Effective communication involves leveling validating

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as many a person who’s found themselves interested in their best friend (or their best friend’s sibling, for that matter) can tell you. This is known as the Reward Theory of Attraction: the more somebody’s presence makes us feel good, the more we prioritize that relationship.

We associate those feelings with that person and develop a new appreciation for them, a fondness for the things that make them uniquely doesn’t automatically mean that two people are going to fall in love.

Based on these initial impressions, you would think that Tatum would be hands down the winner in any romantic contest, while Hill and Buscemi would be left to fight for the scraps of affection from any woman willing to have them like a pair of lonely methed-up gibbons with knives strapped to their arms. In fact, very few people (between 6% – 11%) fall in love at first sight or form a romantic relationship with someone they’ve recently met.

In fact, a large proportion people in relationships or ongoing friends-with-benefits arrangements tend to have known each other for quite some time, from months to years.

We found that consensus dropped and uniqueness increased as these students got to know one another over time.

After three months, uniqueness dominated consensus for all desirable qualities: attractiveness, vitality, warmth, potential for success and even the ability to provide a satisfying romantic relationship.

Except, as it turns out, there’s actually an answer. Not only do visual signs of health – clear skin, facial symmetry, etc.

So when you put the “traditionally attractive” traits in competition with “uniqueness”, which wins out?If someone finds you kind of annoying, repeated exposure only serves to reinforce this.If someone things you’re cool however, getting to know you over time, building attraction, makes them much more likely to be interested.For example: people would generally agree that Channing Tatum is a good-looking, charming guy for a potato.Jonah Hill is somewhat less so while Steve Buscemi is considerably less physically attractive.

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