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But almost immediately, he began talking about how he wanted to hook up with others. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking about splitting up, so I keep hoping we'll stumble on the thing that will work for us.

I don't know what to say when he says I should be monogamous to him while he gets to hook up with others. Gay Marriage Having Crisis I've written about a few gay couples—and a few straight ones—where one half gets to hook up with others while the other half doesn't.

He says this would be best, since my hooking up triggers him. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn't "get to" hook up with others didn't want to hook up with others.

The cuck half of a cuckold couple gets off on their partner "cheating" on them.

You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.After trying some new arrangements—only together, only at sex parties, DADT—he realized he wasn't comfortable with any situation.He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.So long as those desires are consciously eroticized, fully compartmentalized, and safely expressed, you could have done everything you wanted, ASSHOLE, without harming anyone. It seems like you want out, and your wife definitely deserves better, so cop to one affair, since copping to all of them would crush her—or so you think. I made an open relationship a requirement at the start.People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.

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