Post dating employee checks
Feedback is a pretty key way that we manage performance here.
It’s how you know where you’re doing well and where we’d like you to focus on doing something differently or better.
It’s great that you want to adapt your style to fit each team member, and that you want to take input from your staff seriously.
I tried to probe to find out why he doesn’t like the conversations and explained that we do this so he’ll know how he’s doing, how raises are decided and how/why other conversations happen but he says he just doesn’t like talking about it.
I asked if there’s another method he’d prefer – written vs talking, separate meetings for expectations outside of our check-ins, etc. I said I’d brainstorm and asked him to come up with ways to get the info as well. You told him that you’re doing it “so he’ll know how he’s doing, how raises are decided and how/why other conversations happen,” but that’s missing a key part of the actual rationale: You give feedback because it’s part of managing his performance; it lets him know where you need him to do something differently, where something might be going off-course, and what you’d like to see more of.
Obviously I’ll be giving feedback whether he likes it and I’m open to other conversations, but I don’t want to entirely disregard the request. It’s pretty outrageous to tell your manager, “Stop giving me feedback. That’s a key part of managing anyone, and you’re misleading him by portraying it as just being for his personal benefit.
I don’t want to hear it.” It’s outrageous enough that I’m curious about how he’s doing in his job aside from this, because you don’t normally see something like that from someone who’s excelling and easy to work with. It does have personal benefits to him, of course (the ones you described, plus the assistance in getting better at what he does professionally), but if it’s truly for his personal benefit, that makes it easier for him to argue that he’d rather opt out.